1 00:00:00,922 --> 00:00:02,317 Good Morning. 2 00:00:02,318 --> 00:00:04,871 There have been no accidents on the post for 3 months. 3 00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:07,704 For that, you've earned a coveted three-day weekend. 4 00:00:07,705 --> 00:00:09,700 (cheering, whooping) 5 00:00:09,701 --> 00:00:12,119 I can't wait to get in the woods with my grandma and bow-hunt some possum. 6 00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:14,407 We never hit anything, but we do have some sweet talks. 7 00:00:14,408 --> 00:00:17,335 I'm going to the best low-budget spa in Central Florida. 8 00:00:17,336 --> 00:00:18,937 I have to bring my own lotion. 9 00:00:18,938 --> 00:00:20,038 Oh, sounds sad. 10 00:00:20,039 --> 00:00:22,040 CODY: Keep in mind, I don't care. 11 00:00:22,041 --> 00:00:24,375 As you enjoy your weekend, drink responsibly 12 00:00:24,376 --> 00:00:25,910 and don't get into fights. 13 00:00:25,911 --> 00:00:27,812 I wish that were the end of my safety briefing, 14 00:00:27,813 --> 00:00:29,948 but your history dictates otherwise. 15 00:00:29,949 --> 00:00:32,984 So... here we go. 16 00:00:32,985 --> 00:00:36,821 Do not start fires. Do not touch fires. 17 00:00:36,822 --> 00:00:39,223 Do not do things fire tells you to do. 18 00:00:39,224 --> 00:00:40,658 (quietly): What if it's real persuasive? 19 00:00:40,659 --> 00:00:43,728 Do not take in a feral animal and try to raise it as a house pet. 20 00:00:43,729 --> 00:00:45,330 (whispers): What if it's real persuasive? 21 00:00:45,331 --> 00:00:47,532 Do not taunt the marsh birds. 22 00:00:47,533 --> 00:00:50,101 Do not defecate in a library drop box. 23 00:00:50,102 --> 00:00:52,437 Do not get married on a bet. 24 00:00:52,438 --> 00:00:53,938 Do not convince an old 25 00:00:53,939 --> 00:00:56,241 Jewish couple you are their grandson Jeffrey. 26 00:00:56,242 --> 00:00:58,076 They said I had an adorable punim. 27 00:00:58,077 --> 00:00:59,243 And, finally, 28 00:00:59,244 --> 00:01:02,046 food goes in your mouth 29 00:01:02,047 --> 00:01:03,748 and not anywhere else. 30 00:01:03,749 --> 00:01:04,349 What about... 31 00:01:04,350 --> 00:01:06,417 Not anywhere else. 32 00:01:06,418 --> 00:01:08,019 (groaning) 33 00:01:08,020 --> 00:01:11,488 CODY: The Army is filled with troops on heroic missions, 34 00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:13,057 and then there's us. 35 00:01:13,058 --> 00:01:15,193 We take care of things at home. 36 00:01:15,194 --> 00:01:17,328 We are the Rear Detachment. 37 00:01:17,329 --> 00:01:19,964 Yes, we're soldiers. 38 00:01:19,965 --> 00:01:25,655 Sync and corrections by brayanatsix www.addic7ed.com 39 00:01:26,005 --> 00:01:28,006 So really? 40 00:01:28,007 --> 00:01:29,941 A whole three-day weekend, and you're wasting it 41 00:01:29,942 --> 00:01:31,342 doing fake Ranger training? 42 00:01:31,343 --> 00:01:33,111 Pre-Ranger training. It's "pre." 43 00:01:33,112 --> 00:01:34,612 No more P's until you swallow. 44 00:01:34,613 --> 00:01:36,547 We got to pack on the calories because Ranger training 45 00:01:36,548 --> 00:01:39,977 means minimal food, water and sleep, and maximum realization 46 00:01:39,978 --> 00:01:43,221 of our full potential as badass soldiers in the U.S. Army. 47 00:01:43,222 --> 00:01:44,389 Pass the Splenda? 48 00:01:44,390 --> 00:01:45,990 Of course, I'm already a Ranger, but... 49 00:01:45,991 --> 00:01:48,126 I promised I'd show this little guy how to follow in my footsteps. 50 00:01:48,127 --> 00:01:49,494 Maybe even pass you, Pete. 51 00:01:49,495 --> 00:01:51,162 Then it's you in the footsteps I made. 52 00:01:51,163 --> 00:01:53,398 - Is that a challenge? - 'Cause it's not much of a sentence. 53 00:01:53,399 --> 00:01:54,632 (silverware clangs) 54 00:01:55,567 --> 00:01:57,535 Milk race, go. 55 00:02:01,706 --> 00:02:03,875 I win. 56 00:02:03,876 --> 00:02:05,810 Oh, how I have not missed this. 57 00:02:05,811 --> 00:02:08,313 Ha! I have more chicken pox. I win. 58 00:02:08,314 --> 00:02:09,814 (crying) 59 00:02:09,815 --> 00:02:11,516 Idiots. 60 00:02:13,352 --> 00:02:14,519 (with mouth full): I win! 61 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,187 (crying) 62 00:02:16,188 --> 00:02:17,922 Idiots. 63 00:02:17,923 --> 00:02:19,190 Rip some hair out. 64 00:02:19,191 --> 00:02:21,059 First to make a noise loses. 65 00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:23,094 Go! 66 00:02:25,564 --> 00:02:26,864 (crashing) 67 00:02:26,865 --> 00:02:28,866 You made a noise. I win. 68 00:02:28,867 --> 00:02:30,368 (Randy crying) 69 00:02:30,369 --> 00:02:31,836 Idiots. 70 00:02:31,837 --> 00:02:34,205 He makes you cry every time. Why do you keep doing it? 71 00:02:34,206 --> 00:02:36,841 Because one day I'll beat Pete and then he'll cry. 72 00:02:36,842 --> 00:02:38,743 - That's not gonna happen. - And I'll probably cry. 73 00:02:38,744 --> 00:02:41,276 There'll be a period of disillusionment. I may grow a beard. 74 00:02:41,277 --> 00:02:44,382 Well, while you're eating twigs and urinating outdoors like animals, 75 00:02:44,383 --> 00:02:46,050 I'll be hanging with my girlfriend this weekend, 76 00:02:46,051 --> 00:02:48,353 indoors, like a human. (spits) 77 00:02:48,354 --> 00:02:50,088 - Eat the twigs? - Who eats the twigs? Come on. 78 00:02:50,089 --> 00:02:51,723 - It's a twig. - Yeah. Come on, Derrick. 79 00:02:51,724 --> 00:02:53,691 - You don't eat the twigs. - You're better than that. 80 00:02:53,692 --> 00:02:55,593 - You chew on them to stave off the hunger. - Hey, by the way, 81 00:02:55,594 --> 00:02:57,862 how's it going with Erin now that her ex-husband's back? 82 00:02:57,863 --> 00:02:59,530 You know, we've all settled in 83 00:02:59,531 --> 00:03:02,233 to a surprisingly workable domestic arrangement. 84 00:03:02,234 --> 00:03:03,735 Toilet's fixed. 85 00:03:03,736 --> 00:03:05,370 Pipes are fixed. 86 00:03:05,371 --> 00:03:06,971 Sprinkler's fixed. 87 00:03:06,972 --> 00:03:08,406 Oh, thanks, Brandon. 88 00:03:08,407 --> 00:03:11,009 Oh, and I, uh, made too much jambalaya so... 89 00:03:11,010 --> 00:03:12,477 I brought some over. 90 00:03:12,478 --> 00:03:14,112 Oh, dinner's fixed! 91 00:03:14,113 --> 00:03:15,513 He just loves doing stuff around the house. 92 00:03:15,514 --> 00:03:16,881 It's like I have my own butler. 93 00:03:16,882 --> 00:03:18,583 Sounds like Erin has a very special man in her life. 94 00:03:18,584 --> 00:03:19,884 Yeah, and also you. 95 00:03:19,885 --> 00:03:21,786 What? No, I get to do all the fun boyfriend stuff 96 00:03:21,787 --> 00:03:23,054 like watch movies, 97 00:03:23,055 --> 00:03:24,489 and Brandon just does all the work. 98 00:03:24,490 --> 00:03:26,691 Who do you think means more to Erin at the end of the day? 99 00:03:26,692 --> 00:03:28,559 Her film club buddy or the male model 100 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:30,428 who does literally everything else? 101 00:03:30,429 --> 00:03:31,996 Sounds like the second guy has the edge up. 102 00:03:31,997 --> 00:03:32,797 Feels like he's got the edge. 103 00:03:32,798 --> 00:03:33,598 Feeling like he does. 104 00:03:33,599 --> 00:03:34,599 Hey! 105 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:35,533 Oh! 106 00:03:35,534 --> 00:03:36,634 Come on, man! 107 00:03:36,635 --> 00:03:38,269 Come on! All right, first one 108 00:03:38,270 --> 00:03:39,804 to finish their lap pasta wins. Ready? Go! 109 00:03:44,810 --> 00:03:47,078 (grunts) 110 00:03:47,079 --> 00:03:48,079 Check me out, brother. 111 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:49,781 I'm in a deeper lunge than you. 112 00:03:49,782 --> 00:03:51,082 How 'bout now? (shouts) 113 00:03:51,083 --> 00:03:52,684 I win. (crying) 114 00:03:52,685 --> 00:03:54,085 - Damn it! - All right. 115 00:03:54,086 --> 00:03:55,920 What do you say we go out there and have some fun? 116 00:03:55,921 --> 00:03:56,821 - Hooah! - Let's do it! 117 00:03:56,822 --> 00:03:57,522 Gotcha. 118 00:03:57,523 --> 00:03:58,656 This will not be fun. 119 00:03:58,657 --> 00:04:01,459 Ranger training is hell on earth and can only be enjoyed in retrospect. 120 00:04:01,460 --> 00:04:03,428 Like... Cuban food. 121 00:04:03,429 --> 00:04:05,930 I don't care how hard it is. I will not quit, Sergeant Major! 122 00:04:05,931 --> 00:04:07,198 Ideally, you will. 123 00:04:07,199 --> 00:04:09,534 I have a DVR stacked with Restaurant Impossible. 124 00:04:09,535 --> 00:04:11,469 Ooh, yeah, that's good. But until you quit, 125 00:04:11,470 --> 00:04:13,104 you will be pushed to your absolute limits. 126 00:04:13,105 --> 00:04:15,640 And then you have to get over this. 127 00:04:17,009 --> 00:04:19,043 We call it the Devastator. 128 00:04:19,044 --> 00:04:21,012 Just look like monkey bars. 129 00:04:21,013 --> 00:04:22,680 After two days with no food, no sleep 130 00:04:22,681 --> 00:04:24,349 and 70 pounds on your back, 131 00:04:24,350 --> 00:04:26,851 those bars will make a monkey out of you. 132 00:04:26,852 --> 00:04:29,120 Ready to dominate, Sergeant Major. 133 00:04:29,121 --> 00:04:30,855 Oh, hey, Sergeant Perez. Did you come to wish us luck 134 00:04:30,856 --> 00:04:31,856 at Ranger training? 135 00:04:31,857 --> 00:04:33,291 No, dummy. 136 00:04:33,292 --> 00:04:36,094 The Army's accepting female Ranger candidates by 2016, 137 00:04:36,095 --> 00:04:38,763 and I plan to be the first woman on the bus to Fort Benning. 138 00:04:38,764 --> 00:04:42,233 Blazing a trail for all annoying people regardless of gender. 139 00:04:42,234 --> 00:04:44,602 Aw, cranky old Grandpa Ranger's giving me the business. 140 00:04:44,603 --> 00:04:45,837 Zip it. 141 00:04:45,838 --> 00:04:47,672 In Ranger training, we support each other. 142 00:04:47,673 --> 00:04:51,342 Unless you all quit, and then I'm watching my shows. 143 00:04:51,343 --> 00:04:52,677 Okay, Sergeant Perez is here. 144 00:04:52,678 --> 00:04:55,513 Jill... Perez. 145 00:04:55,514 --> 00:04:57,181 The woman. Chica. 146 00:04:57,182 --> 00:04:58,850 But she's not just a woman. 147 00:04:58,851 --> 00:05:02,153 A woman. That's not all any of us are in this world. 148 00:05:02,154 --> 00:05:03,555 The World Is Not Enough. 149 00:05:03,556 --> 00:05:05,056 You Only Live Twice. 150 00:05:05,057 --> 00:05:06,357 When does the nonsense stop? 151 00:05:06,358 --> 00:05:07,892 Quantum of Solace! 152 00:05:07,893 --> 00:05:09,327 CODY: What the hell's that all about? 153 00:05:09,328 --> 00:05:10,261 Randy, what are you doing? 154 00:05:10,262 --> 00:05:11,529 Getting a head start! 155 00:05:14,199 --> 00:05:15,633 SAM: Mommy. 156 00:05:17,102 --> 00:05:19,704 The kitchen sink is backed up again. 157 00:05:19,705 --> 00:05:21,906 There's water everywhere. 158 00:05:21,907 --> 00:05:23,174 I'll call your dad. 159 00:05:23,175 --> 00:05:25,176 Or... I-I could take a look at it. 160 00:05:25,177 --> 00:05:28,379 Oh. Do you... do things like that? 161 00:05:28,380 --> 00:05:30,548 Unclogging things is kind of my specialty. 162 00:05:30,549 --> 00:05:32,750 Really? Uh-huh. It's a weird specialty. 163 00:05:32,751 --> 00:05:34,619 Don't ask too many questions, okay? Just let me do this. 164 00:05:34,620 --> 00:05:35,720 Knock yourself out. 165 00:05:35,721 --> 00:05:37,622 I probably will. 166 00:05:40,659 --> 00:05:43,561 (disposal whirring) 167 00:05:43,562 --> 00:05:45,029 (spits) 168 00:05:48,968 --> 00:05:50,201 Come on! 169 00:05:51,971 --> 00:05:53,838 (disposal whirring) 170 00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:55,607 Ow. 171 00:05:59,144 --> 00:06:00,111 (Brandon sighs) 172 00:06:00,112 --> 00:06:01,579 Hey, buddy, tag me in. 173 00:06:01,580 --> 00:06:03,214 Brandon came by to drop off 174 00:06:03,215 --> 00:06:05,483 some chili, so I figured maybe he could... 175 00:06:05,484 --> 00:06:06,751 Yeah, that's great. 176 00:06:06,752 --> 00:06:07,952 Thanks for coming. 177 00:06:07,953 --> 00:06:09,787 You know, this is just his thing. 178 00:06:09,788 --> 00:06:12,490 Yeah. Shouldn't take too long at all. 179 00:06:12,491 --> 00:06:13,925 All right. 180 00:06:13,926 --> 00:06:16,227 I don't see why that's necessary. 181 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:21,347 Buddy, it's a marathon, not a sprint. Slow down. 182 00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:22,782 Just trying to stay ahead of Jill. 183 00:06:22,783 --> 00:06:24,617 Is that why you freaked out back there? 184 00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,552 'Cause women are gonna be Rangers. 185 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,554 As annoying as Jill is, we got to put up with her. 186 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,990 What if I want to put up with her for the rest of my life? 187 00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,892 Hold on. What? 188 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:36,062 Pete, I'm in love with Jill. 189 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:38,431 (laughing) 190 00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:40,433 - Oh, I get it. - Yeah. 191 00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,507 You're dehydrated. 192 00:06:42,508 --> 00:06:44,014 Just sit down, put your head between your knees, 193 00:06:44,015 --> 00:06:44,837 I'll get you a shiny blanket. 194 00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:46,439 Are you dismissing my emotions? 195 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,107 No, no, no. Yeah, definitely. 196 00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,709 These are stupid emotions. 197 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,744 Remember when I helped Jill impress General Murray? 198 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,012 - Yeah. - Afterwards, we had 199 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,014 this moment that the angels are still talking about 200 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,749 at the watercoolers in Heaven. 201 00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,451 Thank you so much for your help, Private. 202 00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,220 Of course, any... time. 203 00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,122 Oh, no. 204 00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:04,457 And? 205 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,525 And now I don't know how to act in front of her, 206 00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:07,927 and so I have to keep running. 207 00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:10,196 Anaranjado. 208 00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:11,330 Keep up, losers! 209 00:07:11,331 --> 00:07:12,665 Cody said we got to support each other, 210 00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:13,933 but it's gonna be real hard 211 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,201 when you're so far behind me! 212 00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:16,202 Ha, ha, ha! 213 00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:17,937 Ha, ha, ha! 'Kay! 214 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,772 You're right! We are losers! Good-bye! 215 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:20,940 (sputters) 216 00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,275 So stupid, man. See? She got me flustered. 217 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:25,144 I alw... I-I didn't have a witty comeback. 218 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,780 - I always have a witty comeback. - You never have a witty comeback. 219 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,715 My pulse is racing, I'm sweating profusely 220 00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:31,250 and I feel really sick to my stomach. 221 00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:34,587 You're running in Florida an hour after you ate 37 waffles. 222 00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:36,956 - Competing theory. - This isn't real, Randy. 223 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,791 Listen to your big brother. It's all in your head. 224 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:39,959 It'll pass. 225 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,761 Maybe I am just confused. 226 00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:44,697 Like when I ate that Japanese candy that turned out to be hotel soap. 227 00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,599 It's exactly like that. Yeah. Yeah. 228 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,935 I guess I just liked her 'cause she seems so perfect for you. 229 00:07:49,936 --> 00:07:52,271 You do always like girls I like, but Jill? 230 00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:54,140 - What, you don't think she's pretty? - She's pretty. 231 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,542 - You don't think she's smart? - Probably smarter than me. 232 00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:57,977 Plus, she gives as good as she gets. 233 00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,378 She doesn't let you get away with anything, 234 00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:01,147 which is tough to take but exactly what you need. 235 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,615 And she's a badass soldier. 236 00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,350 Then she takes off her helmet, 237 00:08:04,351 --> 00:08:06,452 and her strawberry-scented hair comes tumbling down 238 00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:08,654 and you realize she's all woman. 239 00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:09,922 What more could a man want? 240 00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:12,458 What more could a man possibly ask for? 241 00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,260 Pete? 242 00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:16,095 You look dehydrated. 243 00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:19,465 GUMBLE: Okay, Derrick, what's with the emergency text? 244 00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:20,967 Yeah man, we were in the middle of a drum circle. 245 00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:23,235 Yes, I'm sorry I interrupted all of your awesome 246 00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:24,637 weekend plans, but my relationship is doomed 247 00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,105 unless you stay here and help me. 248 00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:28,307 I already doused myself in possum urine, bro. I know. 249 00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:30,109 - We all know. - Yeah, it's really potent. 250 00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,811 Actually an improvement. 251 00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:34,647 Guys, I'm just afraid Erin will go back with her ex-husband 252 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:36,515 because he's "more of a man" than me. 253 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,117 That is completely understandable. 254 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:40,286 - That guy's hot. - Yeah, I'd go back to him in a heartbeat. 255 00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:41,287 Why is she even with you? 256 00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:45,257 I need you to help me... 257 00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:46,826 be a man. 258 00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:48,861 Huh. 259 00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,397 Do you need a male enhancement product? 260 00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:53,032 Legal or otherwise? 261 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,967 No. No, I need skills... 262 00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:56,268 plumbing, car repairs, 263 00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:57,937 making a meal that doesn't come out of a freezer. 264 00:08:57,938 --> 00:08:59,238 These are skills the Army teaches, 265 00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:01,140 things I could have learned, but just chose not to. 266 00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:02,942 Say it on the djembe. 267 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,111 That's why I'm coming to you, because you're not just 268 00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:08,114 Rear D soldiers, you're... 269 00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:10,049 superheroes. 270 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,417 (gasps) Oh. 271 00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:12,518 I like that. 272 00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:14,820 Private Ruiz, 273 00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,155 he can diagnose 274 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:19,091 any plumbing problem just by the sound of the pipes. 275 00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:22,128 (whispers): They tell me their secrets. 276 00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:23,529 Private Park can shape a topiary cow 277 00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:26,599 so realistic you could sell it as beef. 278 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:31,704 I have small hands and terrifying dreams. 279 00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,339 Private Gumble's work in the chow hall 280 00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:36,108 has made him into a world-class chef. 281 00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,144 The plate is my canvas. 282 00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:40,246 MSG, my paint. 283 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,882 And finally, Private Dobkiss. 284 00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:45,685 In the motor pool, he's known as the master mechanic. 285 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,723 I can get you boner pills. 286 00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:53,125 - Seriously. - Glad you're all on board. 287 00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:54,360 Now, tomorrow... Whoa, whoa, whoa. 288 00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:55,461 What's in it for us? 289 00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:56,529 (chuckles) 290 00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:57,930 What could you possibly mean? I mean... 291 00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,498 Superheroes don't ask "what's in it" for them, 292 00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,634 They do what's best for their fellow man out of 293 00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,369 the goodness of their own hearts... (all grumbling) 294 00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:04,236 Okay, I'll pay you! 295 00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:06,005 Yeah! 296 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:06,939 (others singing gibberish) 297 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,374 No, seriously, 298 00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:09,542 when can I expect payment? 299 00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,479 (grunting) 300 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,051 Day two's gonna be a lot harder than day one. 301 00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:20,753 (grunts) 302 00:10:20,754 --> 00:10:22,588 (panting) 303 00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:23,823 Time! 304 00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:25,024 You all qualified. 305 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,225 Yes! 306 00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:27,560 Great for you, but I'm missing my shows. 307 00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:30,763 Nobody ever thinks about what Cody wants. 308 00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,632 I want this so bad I can taste it. 309 00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:34,934 Mm. I can also taste a little bit of mud. 310 00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:41,507 (heavenly music playing) 311 00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:50,249 You all right, Pete? Huh? 312 00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,951 You all right? Yeah, I'm fine. 313 00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,085 (Perez whoops) 314 00:10:53,086 --> 00:10:55,321 I smell like a bag of hot garbage. (sniffs) 315 00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:59,325 (heavenly music playing) 316 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,334 (giggling) 317 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,335 (whispers): What is happening? 318 00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,771 What is happening? 319 00:11:15,339 --> 00:11:17,207 In a world torn apart by madness, 320 00:11:17,208 --> 00:11:19,476 a charismatic leader has gathered the world's 321 00:11:19,477 --> 00:11:21,544 greatest heroes to save a relationship 322 00:11:21,545 --> 00:11:22,779 from certain doom. 323 00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:23,780 Where's our money? 324 00:11:23,781 --> 00:11:24,914 You get paid at the end. 325 00:11:24,915 --> 00:11:25,949 Now, we've got three hours 326 00:11:25,950 --> 00:11:26,950 before Erin comes home. 327 00:11:26,951 --> 00:11:28,718 Soldier-heroes, 328 00:11:28,719 --> 00:11:31,688 let justice be your compass. 329 00:11:31,689 --> 00:11:33,523 Ho-ho, I was excited until just now. 330 00:11:33,524 --> 00:11:35,091 Worst catchphrase in history. 331 00:11:35,092 --> 00:11:36,626 Go! 332 00:11:36,627 --> 00:11:37,694 (growls) 333 00:11:43,667 --> 00:11:47,003 (yells) 334 00:11:48,038 --> 00:11:50,106 Ah, just as I suspected. 335 00:11:50,107 --> 00:11:54,344 Someone flushed plastic Army men down the toilet. 336 00:11:54,345 --> 00:11:55,478 (exhales) 337 00:11:55,479 --> 00:11:57,013 Case closed. 338 00:11:58,649 --> 00:12:00,383 (yells) 339 00:12:03,854 --> 00:12:05,121 (rapid snipping) 340 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:11,928 A surgeon cuts to heal. 341 00:12:11,929 --> 00:12:14,230 Shing! 342 00:12:14,231 --> 00:12:15,899 (imitates whistling blade) 343 00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:17,233 (makes explosion sound) 344 00:12:17,234 --> 00:12:18,435 Food. 345 00:12:18,436 --> 00:12:20,970 (chopping) 346 00:12:24,175 --> 00:12:25,341 Whoops. 347 00:12:25,342 --> 00:12:27,377 I had it upside down. 348 00:12:29,513 --> 00:12:31,881 Erin's brake lines have been cut, just like you wanted. 349 00:12:31,882 --> 00:12:33,249 Wait, what? That's not what I... 350 00:12:33,250 --> 00:12:34,517 I'm just kidding, dawg. 351 00:12:34,518 --> 00:12:36,286 That's for the end of the relationship. 352 00:12:36,287 --> 00:12:37,520 She's all tuned up. 353 00:12:37,521 --> 00:12:39,055 Well, I like the cape. 354 00:12:39,056 --> 00:12:40,423 I'm a soldier-hero, dawg. 355 00:12:40,424 --> 00:12:41,658 Away! 356 00:12:43,627 --> 00:12:45,762 Okay, she's gonna be here soon; let's wrap it up! 357 00:12:48,899 --> 00:12:50,567 I actually... I just have a few plating instructions. 358 00:12:50,568 --> 00:12:51,568 No, go. You see, we eat first 359 00:12:51,569 --> 00:12:53,103 with our eyes, which is... 360 00:12:53,104 --> 00:12:55,472 Okay, just promise me you'll hand-tear the cilantro... 361 00:12:55,473 --> 00:12:56,473 (grunts) 362 00:12:56,474 --> 00:12:57,874 For the love of God... 363 00:12:57,875 --> 00:12:59,776 ERIN: I'm home. In the kitchen. 364 00:13:03,547 --> 00:13:04,948 Wow. 365 00:13:04,949 --> 00:13:07,951 Oh, this? Yeah. 366 00:13:07,952 --> 00:13:09,986 (both grunting) 367 00:13:12,590 --> 00:13:15,492 (bell clangs) 368 00:13:15,493 --> 00:13:17,927 (grunting) 369 00:13:19,964 --> 00:13:21,264 (clangs) 370 00:13:21,265 --> 00:13:23,266 (both exhale) 371 00:13:23,267 --> 00:13:24,801 You all right, Pete? 372 00:13:24,802 --> 00:13:27,070 Yeah, yeah. I just forgot how hard this is. 373 00:13:27,071 --> 00:13:28,872 No, I mean, back at the worm pit, 374 00:13:28,873 --> 00:13:30,874 you seemed a little... weird. 375 00:13:30,875 --> 00:13:31,908 No, I'm fine. 376 00:13:32,943 --> 00:13:34,410 Are you sure? 377 00:13:39,550 --> 00:13:41,851 All right. 378 00:13:41,852 --> 00:13:44,421 Okay, I've been thinking about what you said about Jill. 379 00:13:44,422 --> 00:13:46,489 I can't believe I'm actually gonna say this, but... 380 00:13:46,490 --> 00:13:48,158 I think I might be into her. 381 00:13:48,959 --> 00:13:51,327 (shouts) Oh! 382 00:13:51,328 --> 00:13:54,330 You hit Pete! And you let him do it! 383 00:13:54,331 --> 00:13:56,166 What the hell, Randy?! 384 00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:59,936 I'm so sorry! And I'm mad and in love and sad! 385 00:13:59,937 --> 00:14:01,805 I'm all the feelings except happy! 386 00:14:01,806 --> 00:14:03,339 I cannot believe that you just hit me! 387 00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:05,675 I can't believe you told me not to like Jill 388 00:14:05,676 --> 00:14:07,177 because you like her! 389 00:14:07,178 --> 00:14:08,678 That is not what happened! 390 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:10,914 She wasn't even on my radar until you laid out a case 391 00:14:10,915 --> 00:14:12,248 of why we're perfect for each other. 392 00:14:12,249 --> 00:14:13,950 Why am I so persuasive?! 393 00:14:13,951 --> 00:14:16,319 - Calm down, Randy. - Not until you back off. 394 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:18,588 Well, I don't think I can now! She blew snot on the ground, 395 00:14:18,589 --> 00:14:19,989 and it gave me the feelings! 396 00:14:19,990 --> 00:14:23,193 Then I guess this competition just got competitive. 397 00:14:23,194 --> 00:14:24,027 Oh, it did! 398 00:14:24,028 --> 00:14:26,296 But this time, I'm not gonna cry! 399 00:14:26,297 --> 00:14:27,831 You are crying right now! 400 00:14:27,832 --> 00:14:29,632 You're crying right now! 401 00:14:29,633 --> 00:14:31,601 (high-pitched sobbing) 402 00:14:32,603 --> 00:14:34,838 He is not good at comebacks. 403 00:14:34,839 --> 00:14:38,007 Well, that was amazing. With the cilantro? 404 00:14:38,008 --> 00:14:41,945 Hand-torn because you eat with your eyes first. 405 00:14:41,946 --> 00:14:43,613 Hey, what do we say, Sam? 406 00:14:43,614 --> 00:14:45,181 Thank you. 407 00:14:45,182 --> 00:14:46,783 You're welcome, buddy. 408 00:14:46,784 --> 00:14:49,819 And thanks for doing... 409 00:14:49,820 --> 00:14:52,155 I don't know, everything else. 410 00:14:52,156 --> 00:14:56,693 I feel like the queen of this run-down tract home. 411 00:14:56,694 --> 00:14:59,529 Good. 412 00:14:59,530 --> 00:15:02,465 (rumbling, rattling) 413 00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:03,967 Sounds like 414 00:15:03,968 --> 00:15:05,235 the washer again. 415 00:15:05,236 --> 00:15:06,569 Brandon just fixed that. 416 00:15:06,570 --> 00:15:07,804 Seriously? 417 00:15:07,805 --> 00:15:09,672 You know this house is a piece of junk, right? 418 00:15:09,673 --> 00:15:11,975 (grunting) 419 00:15:11,976 --> 00:15:15,879 All right, you've been at it for two days. 420 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:17,580 You're hot, 421 00:15:17,581 --> 00:15:18,882 stanky, 422 00:15:18,883 --> 00:15:21,017 and it's time for hand-to-hand combat. 423 00:15:21,018 --> 00:15:23,086 Take your opponent to the ground! 424 00:15:23,087 --> 00:15:23,987 Hooah. 425 00:15:23,988 --> 00:15:25,321 Hooah. 426 00:15:25,322 --> 00:15:27,157 The winner carries the loser around the pit 427 00:15:27,158 --> 00:15:30,660 as a symbol of our duty never to leave a Ranger behind. 428 00:15:30,661 --> 00:15:32,062 You hear that, Pete? 429 00:15:32,063 --> 00:15:33,863 Try not to get carried away. 430 00:15:33,864 --> 00:15:36,066 - That one actually works. - What works? 431 00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:38,668 Ready? Full speed. Execute! 432 00:15:38,669 --> 00:15:40,904 (grunting) 433 00:15:44,475 --> 00:15:46,609 Oh! Oh, my God! 434 00:15:46,610 --> 00:15:49,612 I won! The first time I won! I am immortal! 435 00:15:49,613 --> 00:15:51,247 You didn't win anything. I'm not all the way down! 436 00:15:51,248 --> 00:15:52,682 - (high-pitched yell) - CODY: Okay, soldier. 437 00:15:52,683 --> 00:15:54,617 Carry the loser around the pit. 438 00:15:54,618 --> 00:15:56,953 (grunting) 439 00:15:56,954 --> 00:15:58,722 - What are you doing, Pete? - Sergeant Hill, what are you doing? 440 00:15:58,723 --> 00:16:00,590 Winning as I'm accustomed to. 441 00:16:00,591 --> 00:16:03,126 - Just shut up and let me carry you. - No! 442 00:16:03,127 --> 00:16:05,095 - Let me carry you! - No, I'll never let you carry me. 443 00:16:05,096 --> 00:16:07,464 I will carry you! (grunting) 444 00:16:07,465 --> 00:16:08,732 - I'm carrying you. - I've got you. 445 00:16:08,733 --> 00:16:09,733 - I got you first. - Nut slam! 446 00:16:09,734 --> 00:16:11,201 Ow! Ooh! 447 00:16:11,202 --> 00:16:14,070 (groaning) 448 00:16:14,071 --> 00:16:16,039 God, it's cold! Oh, God! 449 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:18,308 What the hell?! 450 00:16:18,309 --> 00:16:19,709 I'm still carrying you. 451 00:16:21,245 --> 00:16:24,147 ERIN: So, what are you gonna make tomorrow night? 452 00:16:27,585 --> 00:16:30,553 Hey, buddy. What you doing with the washer? 453 00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:31,821 Nothing. 454 00:16:41,298 --> 00:16:44,495 Sam, have you been breaking stuff 455 00:16:44,496 --> 00:16:46,336 around the house so your dad will come and fix it? 456 00:16:46,337 --> 00:16:48,138 Maybe. 457 00:16:50,775 --> 00:16:52,776 (sighs) 458 00:16:56,347 --> 00:16:58,348 I totally get that. 459 00:17:02,743 --> 00:17:04,448 So let me get this straight. 460 00:17:04,449 --> 00:17:06,545 Sergeant Perez blows some snot on the ground, 461 00:17:06,546 --> 00:17:08,431 and you two bozos think you're falling in love with her? 462 00:17:08,432 --> 00:17:10,791 - I liked her first. - He sold me on a vision! 463 00:17:10,792 --> 00:17:12,784 - You tricked me into... - You told me she was... 464 00:17:12,785 --> 00:17:14,724 - Oh, hell! Stop. Ooh. - Okay, all right, I hate her. 465 00:17:14,725 --> 00:17:17,747 You two are so far out of line, I don't know where to start! 466 00:17:17,748 --> 00:17:19,291 If you pulled this crap in the field, 467 00:17:19,292 --> 00:17:20,458 someone could get hurt. 468 00:17:20,459 --> 00:17:22,661 Or worse! Do you hear me? 469 00:17:23,796 --> 00:17:24,829 Do you hear me?! 470 00:17:24,830 --> 00:17:26,031 BOTH: Yes, Sergeant Major. 471 00:17:26,032 --> 00:17:28,133 And these so-called feelings you're having? 472 00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:29,501 Garbage! 473 00:17:29,502 --> 00:17:31,036 Romance has no place here! 474 00:17:31,037 --> 00:17:32,871 You're soldiers! She's a soldier! 475 00:17:32,872 --> 00:17:34,873 That's it. Anything else 476 00:17:34,874 --> 00:17:37,709 makes a complete mockery of everything the Rangers stand for! 477 00:17:37,710 --> 00:17:40,111 I should throw you both out on your ass! 478 00:17:40,112 --> 00:17:41,713 You're right, Sergeant Major. 479 00:17:41,714 --> 00:17:43,682 Sorry, Sergeant Major. 480 00:17:43,683 --> 00:17:46,551 While you've been working out your Jane Austen nonsense, 481 00:17:46,552 --> 00:17:48,253 you've completely overlooked 482 00:17:48,254 --> 00:17:50,121 that you're leaving a fellow soldier behind. 483 00:17:50,122 --> 00:17:51,456 (Perez groaning) 484 00:17:51,457 --> 00:17:53,725 Damn it! 485 00:17:53,726 --> 00:17:57,996 On the upside, it turns out your house isn't cursed. 486 00:17:57,997 --> 00:17:58,863 Wow. 487 00:17:58,864 --> 00:18:00,699 Yeah. I'm sorry. 488 00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:03,201 I need to make sure he sees his dad more. 489 00:18:03,202 --> 00:18:05,136 It's just, Brandon's been away for so long, 490 00:18:05,137 --> 00:18:07,505 Sam gets nervous about when he's gonna see him again. 491 00:18:07,506 --> 00:18:10,709 No. Obviously, it's best if I stop fixing things. 492 00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:12,544 And cooking things. 493 00:18:12,545 --> 00:18:15,413 But thank you for all that you did. 494 00:18:20,853 --> 00:18:23,655 Oh, by the way, Dobkiss left his wallet, 495 00:18:23,656 --> 00:18:26,591 a crossbow and a vial of boner pills in my car. 496 00:18:33,099 --> 00:18:34,299 Come on, you got this! 497 00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:36,201 You can do this, Sergeant Perez! 498 00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:38,603 Come on, don't give up. You got this. 499 00:18:38,604 --> 00:18:39,738 Come on, you got this! 500 00:18:39,739 --> 00:18:41,673 Damn! Come on! Come on! 501 00:18:41,674 --> 00:18:44,746 (grunts) I can't do it! 502 00:18:44,747 --> 00:18:45,243 - Come on, yes, you can. - I'm done. 503 00:18:45,244 --> 00:18:46,878 Let's go. Let's go. Stop it! 504 00:18:46,879 --> 00:18:50,982 I know I talk a lot of crap, but I think it's time to admit that I just... 505 00:18:50,983 --> 00:18:54,185 I can't hack it. 506 00:18:54,186 --> 00:18:55,754 (sighs) 507 00:18:55,755 --> 00:18:58,757 Hey. 508 00:18:58,758 --> 00:19:00,458 Somebody's gonna be the first female Ranger. 509 00:19:00,459 --> 00:19:02,093 That's right. 510 00:19:02,094 --> 00:19:03,628 She's either out there somewhere, 511 00:19:03,629 --> 00:19:06,264 or she's right here in front of us. 512 00:19:08,334 --> 00:19:10,869 Hooah. 513 00:19:13,339 --> 00:19:15,140 We're right here with you, Sergeant Perez! 514 00:19:15,141 --> 00:19:16,374 Let's go. You got this. 515 00:19:19,111 --> 00:19:21,279 (grunting) 516 00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:25,116 (grunting continues) 517 00:19:25,117 --> 00:19:26,751 - Don't give up, soldier! - Let's go! 518 00:19:26,752 --> 00:19:27,619 Come on, soldier. 519 00:19:30,623 --> 00:19:32,557 (grunting) 520 00:19:32,558 --> 00:19:33,458 - Almost there! - Just reach out. 521 00:19:33,459 --> 00:19:34,259 One more! 522 00:19:41,634 --> 00:19:43,768 (bell clangs) 523 00:19:46,472 --> 00:19:47,572 Yes! Yes! 524 00:19:47,573 --> 00:19:49,674 - Congratulations, Sergeant Perez! - Yeah! 525 00:19:49,675 --> 00:19:51,943 I love you guys! 526 00:19:51,944 --> 00:19:53,645 (panting) 527 00:19:53,646 --> 00:19:54,980 It's no big deal, bro. 528 00:19:54,981 --> 00:19:56,014 Good job, dude. 529 00:19:57,216 --> 00:19:59,484 (grunting) 530 00:20:02,054 --> 00:20:06,257 As you can see, the future of the Rangers lies with you. 531 00:20:06,258 --> 00:20:08,627 (high-pitched scream) 532 00:20:08,628 --> 00:20:10,128 DERRICK: When did you know? 533 00:20:10,129 --> 00:20:11,429 Oh, right away. 534 00:20:11,430 --> 00:20:13,665 Right. I was getting fancy desserts, 535 00:20:13,666 --> 00:20:15,000 and my toilet was flushing. 536 00:20:15,001 --> 00:20:17,002 Figured I'd ride that train as long as I could. 537 00:20:17,003 --> 00:20:19,204 Great. So, um... 538 00:20:19,205 --> 00:20:21,306 need to bring up something uncomfortable. 539 00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:23,208 Let me guess. You want me to bounce these guys? 540 00:20:23,209 --> 00:20:24,676 I love you, brother. 541 00:20:24,677 --> 00:20:25,977 I love you, brother. 542 00:20:25,978 --> 00:20:27,412 And I respect you. 543 00:20:27,413 --> 00:20:28,813 I respect you, too. 544 00:20:28,814 --> 00:20:30,982 - I beat you. - That's where we're gonna part ways. 545 00:20:30,983 --> 00:20:33,685 My shoulder was not down. 546 00:20:33,686 --> 00:20:35,120 Arm wrestle settles it. 547 00:20:35,121 --> 00:20:37,522 Bring it! 548 00:20:37,523 --> 00:20:39,758 (glass breaking) 549 00:20:39,759 --> 00:20:41,726 Idiots. 550 00:20:41,727 --> 00:20:45,497 So, Brandon called, and he's being transferred. 551 00:20:45,498 --> 00:20:47,065 Oh. 552 00:20:47,066 --> 00:20:49,301 To Fort Lewis. 553 00:20:49,302 --> 00:20:53,505 That's in Washington... state. 554 00:20:53,506 --> 00:20:55,073 (chuckles) 555 00:20:55,074 --> 00:20:57,976 It's literally the furthest diagonal from here. 556 00:20:57,977 --> 00:20:59,744 I really like you, Derrick, 557 00:20:59,745 --> 00:21:02,047 but you'd be the only thing keeping me here. 558 00:21:02,048 --> 00:21:03,848 I can bartend anywhere. 559 00:21:03,849 --> 00:21:06,151 And Sam and his dad... 560 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:09,654 I don't know what to do. 561 00:21:11,691 --> 00:21:14,092 Uh... yeah, you do. 562 00:21:14,093 --> 00:21:15,527 It's-it's okay. 563 00:21:15,528 --> 00:21:17,896 It's okay. 564 00:21:17,897 --> 00:21:20,732 Don't look at them. 565 00:21:21,767 --> 00:21:22,901 Don't look at them. 566 00:21:24,437 --> 00:21:26,504 Just us? 567 00:21:30,810 --> 00:21:32,811 It's just us. 568 00:21:32,861 --> 00:21:37,411 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0